


Psycho

by Jelixpo



Category: Jelix - Fandom, PewDiePie - Fandom, Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, septicpie - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Drugs, Kidnapping, M/M, More tags will be added as the story progresses, One Sided Love, One sided, Psychopath, date rape drugs, extreme emotions, extreme rage, mental health, psycho story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2019-08-23 10:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16617128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jelixpo/pseuds/Jelixpo
Summary: After Mark proposes to Jack Felix can't contain his emotions any longer. He fights and clashes with his own moral as he begins to wonder, is his happiness important too? After so many years of wishing and waiting Felix takes his chance to finally, finally get what he wants. But perhaps his happiness costs too much. What will he do when he does the unthinkable? More importantly, what will Jack think?





	1. Big Plans

**Author's Note:**

> ~Author's note:  
> This is a fictional story featuring the pairing between jack///septic//eye and mark//iplier, or septiplier for short, and the pairing between jack///septic//eye and pew//die//pie, or jelix/septicpie for short. You are not to contact the people that are involved in this story with regards to questions about this story or their relationships, whatever they may be, as they have stated in the past that this makes them uncomfortable. This story will deal closely with spiralling mental health and will delve into very sensitive topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Chapter warnings will be provided as seen fit/needed. You are asked to read at your own discretion.  
> Thank you.~

"God, my feet hurt," Mark lent down to the side slightly and rubbed at his calves, the table blocking him from reaching down fully to rub at his feet, "These cons always kill me."

"As bad as Disneyland?" Jack looked over and asked.

"On the verge of being just that, yeah," Mark sat up straight and looked back at him, nodding his head slightly as he recalled their past travels.

"Maybe they wouldn't hurt so much if you didn't keep doing a one-eighty with'em every chance you got," Pj jabbed slightly, smiling in jest.

"Listen, if I am ever given the opportunity to make someone simultaneously shit themselves _and_ think I'm a freak at the same time, I'm taking it," Mark retorted, beginning to giggle as he made the group laugh with him.

"You took the opportunity when there was none!" Jack laughed, causing Mark to laugh more with him, "God, I'm dating a walking circus act," Jack leaned forward and put his head in his hands, unable to cover his playful smile as he rubbed at his temples.

"Aw, you know you love me," Mark leaned affectionately on Jack's shoulder.

"I know! That's the problem!" Jack began to laugh again, his shoulders shaking as he caused Mark's head to bounce lightly. The table erupted in giggles. Everyone was having a good time.

All except for one lone Swede.

Felix sat at a corner of the table, the same smile plastered on his face that he always held. He sat relaxed in his seat, looking around at everyone at the table. He knew he should feel happy, knew he should be having a good time, but knowing isn't the same as performing. He glanced over at the Irishman sat across from him, his eyes screwed shut as he lifted his head out of his hands in a fit of giggles. Felix merely stared as Jack lifted his hands down to the table to cross them over each other, leaning his weight on his elbows. Jack opened his eyes and blue met blue for a moment before Felix quickly snatched his gaze away, a warm feeling growing in the pit of his stomach from the split second interaction. Jack focused his attention on Felix now, believing that his friend wanted to be included in the discussion but didn't know how.

"So Felix! How'd your meet and greet go?" Jack asked, catching the Swede off guard with his question.

"Oh, uh, it went fine. Y'know, the usual went on. Couple signings, lotta pictures, lotta hugs," Felix replied, his gaze refocusing on Jack, who looked to be listening intently, warmly.

"And a lot of gifts, obviously," Jack added for him, causing Felix to smile genuinely, "I saw that painting that girl did of you and me for Scare Pewdiepie. That was sick!" He boasted joyfully, radiating passion. Felix's smile grew brighter as he thought about the painting in question. It truly was a stunning piece. So much dedication, time, and love had gone into it. Love. His mind lingered on the word. Felix's eyes drifted over to Mark, the American's head still resting on Jack's shoulder as his gaze looked up at Jack's expression. An absent-minded smile lingered on Mark's lips. He made no comment, only staring at the unknowing Irishman. Mark probably wasn't even listening to what Jack said, Felix thought.

"Hey! How'd your guys' panel go?" Pj interjected, suddenly recalling some of the events that went on earlier, "It looked like you two had a blast up there," He said, looking across the table at his friends.

"It went great! The crowd was good, the energy was high. I think it went pretty well for our first panel with just us," Mark answered, sitting up straight as he did so.

"Yeah. It was too bad Bob and Wade couldn't make it. I know you like doing the panels with'em," Jack added, looking over at Mark as he expected to see a look of agreeing disappointment, but it was quite the opposite.

"What? No, I had a great time!" Mark quickly shot back, wishing to push any doubt out of Jack's mind. He took the Irishman's hand gently in his, "There's no one I'd rather perform with," He smiled affectionately. Jack looked up into his boyfriend's eyes for a moment and, after seeing no hint of sarcasm or jest, couldn't stop a rosy hue from forming on his cheeks as he turned his head away, bashful.

"Oh, stop!" Jack giggled, "You're too sweet," The pair began to giggle together, lost in each other's energy for a moment.

Felix looked on as the couple in front of him took joy in each other and couldn't help but feel an ache in his chest. A sharp pain that he couldn't quite understand, at least not fully. Of course the smile stayed on his face, it always did. He wanted to change the subject to something, anything. Make the moment end.

"You two definitely are naturals on stage," Felix spoke up, complimenting the couple as he eyed them. They both shot their attention to Felix, his comment pulling them out of the moment.

"Thanks!" Jack replied joyfully, happy that Felix was finally involving himself in the conversation. He cared about his friend's comfort, "I really do feel comfortable on stage."

"You really show it," Felix complimented, smiling at Jack. The two shared a caring moment.

"The big guy over here is the brains to the operation, though," Jack added playfully as he jabbed his elbow into Mark's side, "I'm just the performance front," he reasoned. Felix looked down at the table. Of course Jack had to involve Mark in whatever he was doing.

"Hey, don't say that!" Mark interjected, "You're smart too!" He reasoned, trying to stop Jack from downplaying himself.

"You know fucking morse code!" Jack looked over at him.

"So do you!"

"Please, I barely know half the alphabet,"

"You know enough!"

"Ladies, ladies, please!" Pj interjected, "You're both pretty. Can I go home now?" He joked, earning a laugh from the couple.

"Not as pretty as you," Jack looked back over at Mark and lifted his hand up to his cheek before brushing his fingers gently against Mark's skin. Felix sat up in his seat. He couldn't take much more of this.

"You alright dude?" Pj asked, noticing Felix's sudden lurch forward.

"Uh, yeah, I just feel a little under the weather is all," Felix quickly replied back as he grabbed his coat that was sitting beside him, "I think I'm gonna head back to the hotel, actually." He said as he quickly slipped his arms into his coat and stood up from the table.

"Aw, that blows," Jack pouted as he looked up at his friend, worried, "Hopefully you'll feel better tomorrow. Wouldn't want you to miss the rest of the con." He hoped, sounding so caring.

"Hope you feel better, man," Mark said sympathetically.

"Thanks. See ya," Felix replied, and with that, he was out the door.

He could feel his airways open up as he stepped further and further away from the table and his friends, finally able to breathe. It didn't take long to flag down a taxi and arrive at his hotel. Stepping into his room he threw his bag down on the bed and sat down beside it, a deep sigh leaving his lips as he rubbed at his cheeks. He should be used to this feeling. The aching in his cheeks from smiling for so long. But no matter how many hours he spends putting on the same face, how many times he's had to act happy, the ache in his mouth always feels new somehow. He laid back on his bed, his face falling into a scowl as he allowed it to rest.

He couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand _them_ with their hand holding and kissy faces and rosy cheeks. The flirts and jabs and soft touches. The love. He grimaced and grunted, disgusted by the word. He immediately felt shame burning on his face and sighed, disappointed with himself. Why didn't he feel happy? His friends were in love, had been for a while now, and yet he still couldn't get over this childish feeling of wanting, desiring, to take Mark's place. To stand where he stood, to sit where he sat and hold hands with someone so dear to him. Felix's expression softened as he thought about the Irishman he held so close to his heart.

It wasn't the fame or the looks or his talents. No, not for the things everyone else loved him for. Felix loved Jack for who he really was. For his caring nature and his big heart, for his kind gestures and loving words. Of course he loved Jack on camera, but he loved him even more when he was off of it. The way his voice always went soft when he spoke with overflowing emotion, the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his passions and his hopes, the way he cared so deeply, unashamed and unafraid of the reactions of others. Felix knew Jack cared for him, too. He showed in the way he always jumped to include Felix, how he always wanted Felix to be with him. He showed it in the way he spoke to him, with love and care, about whatever it was they decided to discuss. He showed it to him in his soft touches, his gentle actions whenever he wanted to make Felix feel included, to make Felix feel special. And it worked. It always worked. Whenever Felix was with Jack he felt so wanted, so special, so loved. And he knew Jack felt it, too.

Or, at least, he thought he did. Felix's expression dropped.

It had been like a bad dream when Jack and Mark announced their relationship to everyone. All the friends around them were ecstatic for the couple, making comments like "I wondered when it would finally happen" or "What, you weren't dating already?". The internet had gone insane, millions of people giving a warm congratulations to the lovebirds. Everyone was so happy for them. Everyone, of course, except for Felix. He felt sick, lied to in a way, as if Jack had personally spat in his face. He knew that was never the Irishman's intention. How could it be? Jack had never even known Felix felt the way he did about him. No one knew about Felix's feelings. Well, no one but Felix, of course. The Swede had only himself to blame for that.

If only he had acted sooner, spoken quicker, truer, then maybe none of this would have happened. Felix closed his eyes, his mind swirling with thoughts. Would telling Jack of his feelings have even changed anything at all? Or would fate have been cruel, taking him down a spiralling path of decisions that led him right back to where he was now. Here, alone, unhappy, in a room with a bed much too large and much too cold for one body. Felix sighed. Maybe this was what he deserved? He was an introvert living in an extroverts worlds. Perhaps this was just what happened to people like him. Too afraid to speak up and too afraid to speak out, he let other's needs come before his one time too many and now here he was. Could he ever really find happiness in his life without Jack? Probably. It wasn't like they weren't friends anymore. They were actually closer to each other than they had been in years. And Jack didn't mind physical affection, he craved it, actually, so it wasn't as if Felix could never hold him. There was really nothing to be upset about. He knew that. And yet...

Felix didn't realize he had fallen asleep until he felt his phone buzzing in his back pocket, jolting him awake. He sat up, groggy, and brought the phone out of his pocket. Pj. He brought the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" Felix answered, unable to hide how tired he felt. Pj's excited tone jolted him awake.

"Dude you missed it! Oh my god, you fucking missed it!" Pj beamed over the phone, "Oh my god, you should'a seen it! Like straight out of a fucking movie! God, I wish I had my good camera."

"What? What is it? What happened?" Felix asked, glancing back at the clock resting on his nightstand. It had only been 3 hours since he last saw everyone. Surely, nothing earth shattering could happen in that amount of time, could it?

"Mark and Jack!" Pj shouted over the phone at him, **"They're engaged!"**

Felix felt the colour drain from his face. He slowly let his arm relax, the phone hovering away from his ear now. He stared forward in shock, disbelief. The ache in his chest came back as quick as a knife, stinging him to his core.

"Oh my god, I wish you'd been here!" Pj's voice still came up over the phone, distant now, "Mark had been planning it the whole weekend! We all walked down to this quiet park nearby after dinner and Mark lead Jack over to this fountain and then got down on one knee!" Pj went on, blissfully unaware of how serrated his words were, "Oh, you should see the ring! It's a little too big but they're gonna get it resized. God, isn't this just amazing?"

Felix knew he needed to answer. He had to. He quickly raised the phone back to his ear.

"Y-Yeah, that's amazing! It's-It's really, uh... god, I can't even find the words for it, haha," He felt hot. His face felt hot. He blinked and tears appeared out of nowhere, "Congratulate them for me!" He had to end this phone call. He wasn't sure how long he could keep it in.

"Absolutely I will! Sorry, I know you're sick, but I just thought you'd kill me if I didn't give you the news first!" Pj beamed back over the phone.

"Thanks, Pj," Felix responded back, his whole body straining to not let his voice hitch, "I appreciate it. Have a good one," He quickly ended the call before Pj could say anything else.

He hunched over himself. Now he really did feel sick. He blinked and tears dropped into his hands. He gritted his teeth. He shouldn't feel this way. He shot himself up into a standing position and walked over to the large sliding doors that stood as his windows. He ripped open the blinds and flew open the doors. Air. He needed air. He stepped out onto the small patio area and breathed in deeply, the cool air feeling nice on his hot face. He blinked and felt the tears run down his cheeks, fast and hot, before dropping onto the metal railing he now stood beside. He let out a shaky breath, then took one in, then let it out. In, out, in, out. Slowly, calmly, controlled. He was okay. He was alright. This was fine. Everything was fine. He turned and walked back into the room. He saw the phone. He thought about it. He wasn't fine. He saw a vase standing tall on his nightstand. He surged forward and grasped it tightly, then spun back around and flung the object out the open window as far as it would go. He dropped to his knees and buried his face in his hands. He heard the smash echo through the street. He sobbed.

He wasn't fine. This wasn't fine.


	2. Can I Get a Picture?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Author’s note:  
> This is a fictional story featuring the pairing between jack///septic//eye and mark//iplier, or septiplier for short, and the pairing between jack///septic//eye and pew//die//pie, or jelix/septicpie for short. You are not to contact the people that are involved in this story with regards to questions about this story or their relationships, whatever they may be, as they have stated in the past that this makes them uncomfortable. This story will deal closely with spiralling mental health and will delve into very sensitive topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Chapter warnings will be provided as seen fit/needed. You are asked to read at your own discretion.  
> Thank you.~

"God, isn't it gorgeous?" Jack spoke affectionately as he looked at his hand, stuck out as far as it could go. He twiddled his fingers and watched as the dainty ring caught the light, "It's a little big, I know, but it's just so perfect!" He beamed passionately, "What d'ya think?" He asked, turning slightly to look at Felix standing beside him.

"It-It's great!" Felix rushed out, popping back into reality after being absorbed in his own thoughts, "Yeah, it, uh, it looks really good on you," He clambered for something good to say about it, anything. It wasn't really a lie. Although Felix loathed the reason it was sitting on Jack's finger he couldn't deny that it was a very pretty ring.

"Here!" Jack quickly took Felix's his hand and brought it over to his ring finger, "Feel how smooth it is!" He exclaimed excitedly as he held his hand still to allow his friend to do as he had instructed. Felix gently rolled his fingers together over the cool metal. Despite the small gem that was embedded in the top of the wedding band it really was as smooth as Jack had boasted it to be.

"Wow, yeah. It's really... something," Felix sounded deflated. He knew he did, but there wasn't much he could do about it. Last night had been hell after that phone call and he knew today was going to be just as bad. He tried to push the negative thoughts out of his head. Jack looked so elated that Felix knew he couldn't bring himself to try and bring the Irishman down with him.

"Hey, are you alright?" Jack asked. Of course he could read Felix like an open book. It was useless trying to hide feelings from him.

"Yeah, I'm just still a little sick is all. Didn't sleep that great last night..." It wasn't a lie. He couldn't lie, not to Jack, "I'll be fine, though."

"Alright, well," Jack moved his right arm and wrapped it around Felix's shoulders, tugging the Swede in for a side hug as he did so, "You let me know if you want me to do anything for you, okay?" Jack smiled caringly, his body warmth radiating onto Felix. I want you to call off the wedding, Felix thought, but of course, he said nothing.

"Sure thing," He replied, smiling back at Jack. He couldn't tell if his own smile was genuine or not. Jack nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement before stepping away from Felix and walking further into the con. Felix felt so cold when Jack let go of him, like he lost his only heat source. He always felt cold. So cold.

Not wanting to lose track of the group, Felix walked along after Jack and followed him further in. Just as Jack was about to round the corner Felix watched him slip a red face mask over top of his head, concealing his identity, before stepping out into the crowd of people on the floor. Felix followed his friend's actions by pulling his hoodie up over his head, grateful for how well the thick material masked his face.

Cons weren't really Felix's thing. The crowds, the screams, the booths. It was an introvert's living hell but he'd be lying if he said it was all bad. It was honestly nice to just be invited out somewhere with his friends, especially if those friends involved Jack. He ducked and weaved around people dressed up like all sorts of things before coming up to stand by his friends. Thank god they had all shared with each other what they were disguised as before they had arrived, otherwise Felix wouldn't have recognised them. Jack's red mask went well with his red hoodie, adorned with a black spider printed over the front of it, as well with a yellow jacket placed over his shoulders. Spiderman, of course. Mark stood next to Jack wearing a black and red pull-over plastic mask, accompanied by black skinny jeans and a red shirt that he had scribbled on with a sharpie to simulate shoulder-pads and a 6 pack. Granted, it was a very budgeted Deadpool, but it was Deadpool nonetheless. Stood on the other side of the couple was Pj wearing a large grey sweater adorned with a NASA patch over his heart with a cardboard astronaut helmet placed over his head to complete the look. Also a very budgeted costume but it seemed much more finessed than Mark's did. Felix wasn't really one to dress up and never really understood the excitement behind cosplay so he had merely slung a black Blame! hoodie over his shoulders and was satisfied.

"Feeling a little underdressed over there?" Mark poked fun at the Swede, gesturing to his lack of costume. Felix chuckled lightly in response, unhurt.

"I like your hoodie!" Jack quickly jumped in to say, "It looks super comfy." Jack reached over and ran his hand lightly over Felix's arm, feeling along the material.

"Uh, yeah, it's pretty comfy. Sometimes I fall asleep in it," Felix replied, unsure of how to react as Jack's fingers ran along him, unable to touch but close enough to feel.

"I would too if I owned something this soft!" Jack's bright smile could be seen through his mask.

"Well, shall we get started?" Pj asked as he gestured to the line of booths.

"Yeah, let's go!" Jack beamed as he bounced ahead of the group, eager to get a look at all that the con had to offer them. The rest of the group began to follow in tow.

Felix followed absentmindedly along with the group as they went from booth to booth, looking at the different merchandise and games that they had to offer. He followed at the back of the group hoping none of his friends, specifically Jack, would notice his hunched over body, his dragging feet or his worn down expression. He had had one hell of a night. He was sure the cleaning lady would give him a scowl when he returned to the hotel later that night, a silent revenge for the state he left the room in. No doubt the ripped up sheets and torn duvet would be added to his final bill. Extreme emotions... didn't usually end well with him. This instance was no different. He didn't want to be here, but he knew his friends would be disappointed if he didn't accompany them. He hated that. He hated how bound he was to the desires of others, to the wants and wished of those around him. He cared too much, he knew that all too well. His mind drifted to Jack and he felt his chest grow tight. What was life going to be like when there was no bit of hope, not a single chance of Jack ever being with him? For years he had held on to it, held on to the hope that one day he would say it, one day he would work up the courage, one day Jack would leap into his arms and they'd both wonder how they ever managed on without each other, how either of them ever lived a single day not entangled in the embrace of the other. Hope had strung him along, carrying him through every word unspoken and feeling unshared, every chance not taken and action not done. Now hope had left him, alone, in the cold, harsh reality. Cold. So very cold.

"Spiderman!" The shout of a young female caught the attention of the entire group, most importantly Jack as a girl walked toward him, "Might I grab a picture for The Daily Bugle?" The red-head asked, adorned in a brown leather jacket to match her MaryJane cosplay.

"Of course, MJ!" Jack beamed back. He stepped back from the group a bit and crossed his arms over his chest, stepping into a defensive stance and forming his hands into a web-throw as he did so. MJ held up a Polaroid camera and snapped the shot. Before Jack could move from the stance the girl looked over at Mark and beckoned him.

"Why don't we get some Spidey-Pool action up in here, eh? You two look like you're together," She said as Mark walked over to stand by Jack.

"Well, you're right on that one!" Mark replied as he stepped by Jack. The two of them folded their arms as they stood back to back against each other, both turning to look at the camera. MJ snapped the shot once again. 

As Jack began to step away from the pose Mark quickly turned around to face him. Acting quickly, he pulled up Jack's mask far enough to expose his mouth and nose. After lifting his own mask up half way Mark secured his left arm behind Jack's lower back and planted his right hand gently on Jack's cheek. Mark's lips were suddenly greeting Jack's as he dipped the Irishman quickly back into his arms, causing Jack to shriek in surprise. Acting out of reflex Jack's hands shot up to grip at Mark's biceps as his body tried to keep him from falling. Jack's left leg bent and shot itself up and hooked against Mark's side. A moment passed where the two stayed like that, Mark enjoying the moment and Jack still reeling from surprise. A flash suddenly came up beside them, drawing them out of the moment. Jack couldn't help but laugh as he pushed the American off of him and pulled down his mask.

"You fuckin' asshole," Jack laughed as he straightened, stepping away only enough so that he was out of Mark's reach. Mark only smiled smugly in response. Looking over, Jack watched as the MaryJane cosplayer handed him a Polaroid, shaking it lightly in her hand as she did so.

"Here," She laughed, "You can keep that one," She said as he took the warm photo from her.

"Thank you," Mark looked at her as he stepped closer to Jack.

"No. Thank you," She replied happily. And with that, she disappeared into the crowd.

Jack chuckled slightly as he looked at the photo, happy to have the memory now. Mark placed his hands on Jack's shoulders and leaned over his shoulder to look at it with him. Jack turned slightly to look at Mark and smiled warmly, though it was hidden by the mask.

"I love you," Jack stated softly but clearly. Mark smiled back, his expression just as hidden but his eyes showing all the emotion they needed.

"I love you, too," He replied.

Felix couldn't take this. Not today. Not after last night. He had one last fucking nerve to spare and this was it. He could feel it shattering.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Felix muttered to Pj, monotone, before whipping around and pushing through the crowd.

He quickly navigated his way to the washroom and sprinted for a stall, thankful that they weren't all being used. He paced around in the small space, fuming. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to hit something, someone, anything. He wanted to break every wall in this goddamn building but he knew he couldn't, wouldn't. The stares he would get from people, the way they'd think about him after he did that, he couldn't take it. He couldn't take this. He was dying inside and he hated himself for it. It wasn't just because Mark dipped Jack. It wasn't just because the picture was taken. It wasn't just because the moment had happened. It was those three words. It was the look they gave each other. It was the sincerity. The sincerity. Felix had never heard Jack speak so heartfelt, so star struck before. And he spoke that way to Mark. To Mark. Felix heard the stall next to him flush and he turned and punched the concrete wall behind him as hard as he could, the sound muffled. Jack had never spoken that way to Felix before. Not ever. Felix turned and slumped down on the seat, panting deeply as he squeezed his fists so hard they shook. And it was in that moment, that emotion filled, thoughtless, angry moment, that Felix realised. He wasn't special. He wasn't above anyone else. Not to anyone, and certainly not to Jack. No, Jack's friends held no tiers in his life. He treated everyone as they needed to be treated, but that didn't mean any of them were special. No, Felix wasn't special. Mark was special. And that moment, that tone, that sincerity, proved it. Felix felt hot tears spring to his eyes. This wasn't just a bad dream anymore. This was a nightmare.

Felix leaned back against the wall behind him and allowed his head to lul back, not bothered by the thunk his head made as it hit the concrete. He felt defeated, lonely. His whole life was shattering right in front of him and he felt powerless against it. He wanted to stop this. He wanted to stop all of this. He wanted to take control and do what he wanted, unthinking, regardless of what others wanted. But he knew he couldn't. He shouldn't. The stares, the looks, the opinions. And people could say no to him and there'd be nothing he could do about it. Felix wanted someone to blame, someone to give him answers and tell him exactly how to fix this. But the only person to blame was himself and he didn't have the answers. He desperately wanted to blame Mark, to say it was all his fault, but how could he? The American had done nothing but feel, something Felix did as well. He couldn't fault the man for that. He also couldn't fault the man for being his polar opposite, for taking matters into his own hands and striving for what he wanted. He had done what was required and now he was going to receive his just reward. Jack. Felix grimaced at himself. Jack wasn't a possession to be bought or won. He was priceless. This was why Felix couldn't win; because he had thoughts like that. 

He sighed and closed his eyes, noticing now how dry they had become. He probably looked a mess. What would his friends think? His friends. Oh god. How long had he been in here? Felix stood from his seat and wiped furiously at his face, hoping to somehow clean it, before stepping out of the washroom. He pulled his hoodie far up over his head to hide himself as he exited the bathroom. He'd have to deal with his emotions later. But would he even remember how to feel when the time came? He pushed away the thought. He was tired of thinking. It's all he had been doing since that damned phone call. He walked down to where his friends had last been. Surprisingly, they hadn't moved at all.

"There he is," Pj commented as he watched Felix walk back over to them, "Woah, are you okay?" He asked once he got a better look at Felix.

"Just feel sick," He muttered.

"Do you want to head back to the hotel?" Mark asked, concerned, "I could drive you there."

"No, don't. It's alright, I'll be fine," Felix lied, "Let's just keep going. Please," He insisted. He knew they weren't convinced without even looking at him.

"... Alright," Pj finished, not wanting to push Felix too far, "As long as that's what you want," It was more of a question than anything. Felix nodded.

"Alright," Mark resigned. Thinking Felix would want to leave it alone, he and Pj began to walk further down the line of booths. Felix was grateful.

A hand rested gently on Felix's shoulder and caused him to look up. His haggard, puffed eyes met concerned blue ones. Jack's mouth hung open, wanted to ask questions but knowing it wasn't a good time. He looked deep into Felix's eyes, searching for answers unspoken. Unthinking, Felix stared back, letting Jack search for whatever it was he wanted to know. Jack made a small, defeated sigh. He couldn't understand Felix. Not this time. Could Felix even understand himself right now? He wasn't entirely sure. Jack's hand slipped down from Felix's shoulder and gently took hold of Felix's hand, entangling his fingers between the Swede's. Jack squeezed, reassuring. Felix didn't know what to think, didn't have the energy left to try. He felt something that he hadn't felt since the phone call. Peace. The worries stopped. Hand in hand, Jack turned and began to lead Felix along the row of booths. Too tired to think and too exhausted to let go, Felix walked with him.

He didn't want to ever let go.


	3. I Hate Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Author’s note:  
> This is a fictional story featuring the pairing between jack///septic//eye and mark//iplier, or septiplier for short, and the pairing between jack///septic//eye and pew//die//pie, or jelix/septicpie for short. You are not to contact the people that are involved in this story with regards to questions about this story or their relationships, whatever they may be, as they have stated in the past that this makes them uncomfortable. This story will deal closely with spiralling mental health and will delve into very sensitive topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Chapter warnings will be provided as seen fit/needed. You are asked to read at your own discretion.  
> Thank you.~

Felix groggily dragged himself into the kitchen that morning, both reluctant to get up and wanting to start the day at the same time. He yawned as he stepped up to his fridge and opened it, the cool blast of air jolting him awake for a moment. The sun had just barely begun to light the sky outside, it's rays not even high enough to peak out over the clouds yet. However, with the amount of grey clouds that covered the sky it looked to be that the sun would not be able to shine that day after all. Felix reached into the fridge and pulled out a container of margarine and strawberry jam. He placed them next to the toaster and set to grabbing his bread slices and popping them into the machine. Standing back and looking out of the kitchen window he could see small droplets of water beginning to fall onto the glass. He reached forward and cracked open the window slightly, allowing the calming smell of the earth to enter into his small home. He leaned against the counter as he waited for his breakfast to be ready, closing his eyes and sighing slightly as he did so. It wasn't too long before the sudden springing noise from the toaster jolted him to attention again. The sweet smell of the margarine melting into the toast as he spread it on greeted his nostrils. After applying both the margarine and jam to his toast he put the two containers back in the fridge and sat down at the table with his breakfast.

He sat silently eating at the table, his eyes wandering mindlessly over the walls and furniture that he had stared at hundreds of mornings before. The same white walls, the same grey cabinets, the same grey furniture. A term that might be used to describe the place would be "void of life" and it definitely felt like that. Although Felix practically spent every waking hour of every day huddled up in this colourless place and the space definitely looked well used it never felt like a place to live. Merely a place to be, to exist. Maybe it was because he didn't usually invite friends over, maybe it was because everything was exactly the way he liked it, no one to rebuttal or compromise with. Felix looked to his left and out of the glass sliding doors in his kitchen. The rain had gotten heavy enough that you could hear it now, as light as the sound was. He sighed as he sat back in his seat, his breakfast now finished.

'Stop thinking,' Felix thought to himself, 'I think too much. I just need to do,' he reasoned with himself. He rose from the table and abandoned his crumb plate there, deciding to clean it up later. Walking out of the kitchen and down the small hallway he turned and entered his recording room. Sitting down in front of his computer, he got to work on deciding what to review on his video that day. Although Felix wasn't really an open book it was still obvious when he was feeling down or out of energy, so he was thankful the genuine energy and drive he had to do his videos. His smile on camera was honest. Standing up from his desk and positioning himself, he leaned forward and clicked on his recording software.

\---

Felix stepped out of his recording room again after having sent his footage to Sive to edit that day. It was a good video, one with genuine laughs and had a good energy about it. He was happy with it. Felix walked over to the table and picked up his plate from earlier, opting to just put it into the washing machine instead of taking the time to wash it by hand. Opening the appliance he could see that it was almost completely full, save for a few spots. After placing the plate into it he threw two small packets of soap into the machine and closed it, the machine jumping into a slight hum as Felix pressed the 'start' button. He had just taken a step back from it and was beginning to wonder how to spend the rest of his day when he felt his phone buzz inside his pocket. He took out the device and opened it, quickly clicking on the Twitter app after having seen the notification sign above it.

It was two tweets. One from Jack and one from Mark, the both of them announcing their engagement.

Felix screwed his eyes shut and sucked in a quick breath, his grip on the phone tightening as his he attempted to calm his sudden blast of emotions. Anger, betrayal, despair, hopelessness. He knew he was overreacting, knew that feeling anything other than happiness for his friends wasn't appropriate, but he couldn't help it. This wasn't supposed to happen. _This wasn't supposed to happen._

Against his better judgement, Felix looked down at his phone and flicked his thumb against the screen, scrolling down. Admiration, excitement, an outpouring of love was all anyone had to offer to the couple's announcement. Everyone was ecstatic for the wedding and what it might hold. Honestly, why had Felix expected anything different? He wasn't quite sure himself. He continued to scroll mindlessly through the replies, reading bits and pieces from each one but never stopping to look at single comments, until one particular comment caught his eye. The name of the person didn't matter, as Felix had never interacted with or seen this person before, but their words stopped Felix in his tracks.

_\- Wow, that's a big step in your relationship! You must really love him, huh?  
|  
|_

Felix almost felt offended at the comment and it wasn't even talking to him directly. He scrolled just an inch further down the screen. Jack had replied.

_|  
|  
\- I do : )_

Felix felt rage bubbling up inside of him and he couldn't contain himself. He gripped the phone in his hand and reeled it back before sending it flying forward. It crashed against the wall on the opposite side of the room and fell to the ground. Turning just slightly to his left Felix once again raised his hand and formed it into a fist, this time colliding it into the wall next to him. A sizeable hole was formed as his fist tore through the paint and wood. He panted heavily as he pulled his fist out of the wreckage. He hadn't even noticed the hot tears that were forming in his eyes until they sprinted down his flushed red cheeks. Immediate regret flooded through his mind as he looked at the damage to the wall he had done. Felix shook his head at himself, still panting in white-hot anger. His hands formed into fists at his side as he stomped sheepishly over to his phone, both rage and guilt having a battle for dominance in his brain. He bent over and picked up the device, it's screen now displaying 3 large cracks across its surface. Truthfully, it had survived Felix's rage very well, but it's now broken state still caused Felix to seeth more. He needed to calm down. _He needed to calm down._

Felix put his hands together and leaned his arms against the wall, his forehead falling forward between them to hang. He took breaths as deeply as he could and closed his eyes, his heart now pounding in his ears. He sniffled as his tears began to dry on his cheeks, his rage beginning to subside. As soon as Felix had come down from his angered high, he sunk deep into a saddened low.

He pushed himself off of the wall and dragged himself over to his couch then flopped down on top of it. He sighed as he sunk into the plush furniture, his mind spinning with thoughts. Why did he have to be like this? So jealous and hateful and childish? Why did this have to affect him so much? Other people had probably gone through the exact same thing that he was now, and they didn't throw things or punch walls or cry. Well, they probably cried, but not in the same way, not by the same feeling. If only there was a way to stop this. Felix sighed again as soon as the thought popped into his head. He knew it was horrible to think that way, but god, what if? What if there was some way to stop this? To make this all a bad dream that he wakes up from, a memory to never return to, a bad moment in history; remembered, but never repeated. Perhaps there was. By some string of complete and utter dumb luck, maybe this all really could be reversed without hurting anybody or severing any relationships with those he cared about. Sure, he would sing sweet songs of praise if he was only able to hold Jack in his arms and claim him as his own, but could he really bring himself to sever his friendships with other people in order to do so? No. Not now. He couldn't do that to them.

Unless... If Jack _himself_ were to say that he loved Felix, that he felt a closeness to Felix like no other, that would not be Felix fault. No one could say that Felix had done wrong if he reacted positively to Jack's statement. Felix sat up on the couch, his mind racing now. Maybe Jack really did feel the same way about him. Maybe Felix _was_ special to him. Maybe Jack felt strongly for Felix but didn't know if he should voice his affection. But how could Felix let Jack know that he felt the same way? How could he get Jack to come out with it first? Felix looked down at the cracked device in his hands, unaware that he had still been holding onto it until now. Maybe if he spoke to Jack privately, spoke to him about his feelings, it would give Jack the courage to voice his own? 

Felix clicked his phone to life and, looking past the cracks distorting his screen image, clicked back into the Twitter app and into his private messages. He clicked into his and Jack's conversation and pressed on his keyboard to begin typing... But his fingers didn't move. Oh god, what should he say? How should he say it? Felix leaned back into the couch as he stared at the screen, his fingers still hovering for a moment.

"Hello, Jack,"

No, no. Too formal.

"Dear Jack,"

That's way too cheesy.

"Hey Jack,"

Okay, good. Casual, relaxed, friendly. Not too alarming. Good start.

"I know this might seem sudden, but I have feelings for you."

God, that felt both liberating and petrifying to type that out. Good, good. 

"I have had them for a while now. I just needed to tell you that."

Was that too short? That was too short. It didn't seem genuine.

"I have had them for a while now. I don't know if you feel the same, but I hope you do."

Okay, good. This was going good.

\---

Felix had read over the message about a hundred times now. He kept rereading and revising and editing. It needed to be perfect. He knew he didn't have to, but he read over it one last time.

"Hey Jack,  
I'm sorry if this seems sudden. It's a little sudden for me, too, but I have feelings for you. Always have. I didn't know if you felt the same and I'm still not sure you do, but I know that I needed to tell you that.  
Nothing has to change if you don't want it to. We can keep going on like we always have if that's what you want, just friends. But please, if you have any feelings for me as I have for you, I want to know. I need to know.  
If you don't love me that's okay. Again, nothing has to change. I know you and Mark are getting married and I will leave you alone if you tell me to, I promise.  
But I love you, Jack. I need you to know that. I want you to know that. And if you feel the same way about me don't think about what other people will say or do because of it. Just tell me and we'll work it out. Together. We'll lean on each other. Just give me the word and I'm yours.  
So, what do you say?"

Felix let out a shaky breath. He was content with it. This was it. He had to send it. His thumb hovered over the send button... Maybe this was a bad idea. Felix shook the thought out of his head. He tried to force his thumb down. It wouldn't move. Maybe Jack didn't feel the same way. Felix gritted his teeth. Maybe Jack never felt anything for Felix at all. Maybe Felix was solely there for entertainment, a joke to get a good laugh out of. He tried to force his thumb down again. It bent back further. Felix gasped as he dropped the phone down onto his stomach, beginning to pant and he forced himself out of his own entranced state. He sat for a moment, just breathing and taking a look at his surroundings.

It had gotten dark, the sun now just hidden behind the horizon. When had it gotten so dark? Felix rubbed at his eyes. He hadn't been thinking clearly. He sat more upright on the couch and sighed. He took hold of his phone again and brought it up to his face, reading over the message once again. No, of course Jack didn't feel the same way. Jack wore his heart on his sleeve, he always had. It was one of the things that draw Felix in, a trait which Felix did not possess. Jack was open with who he was and how he felt. No, Jack didn't feel the same way, and he definitely didn't dislike Felix. If he did, he would have said something years ago. Felix sighed as he pressed his thumb down on the backspace button, watching as his heart, the words he had poured out from his very soul, were deleted for good.

Felix pushed himself to a standing position from the couch and dragged himself into the kitchen. He pulled open a kitchen cabinet and reached inside of it, then pulled out a whiskey bottle. He didn't need a glass. Not this time. He returned to his spot on the couch and laid down. He grabbed the remote for the TV which had ended up on the floor and clicked the system to life. He didn't really care what was on. It was just noise, a distraction. He brought the bottle to his lips and allowed the liquid to burn his through as it slid down.

Felix's eyes drifted hazily around the room he was in. He was alone here. He hated it. He brought the bottle to his lips again, but it caught more of his attention this time. Lifting the bottle into view more, he could see it was the bottle Jack had given him as a Christmas gift. That stung more than the whiskey itself, but he couldn't will himself to let go of it. He brought the bottle closer to his chest and held it. He closed his eyes and thought about that Christmas night. It was fun. A couple of friends had been there, one of which being Jack. They had watched a movie that night and Jack had gotten under a blanket with Felix, huddling up to him for warmth. Nothing happened, but they had held each other. It was warm. It was good. It was pure. Felix opened his eyes again to the dark room, the TV being his only source of light. He looked at the bottle in his hands and felt as tears began to form in his eyes again. He just wanted to be held. Was that too much to ask? He sobbed quietly as he held the bottle tighter. Maybe it was.


	4. The Unthinkable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Author’s note:  
> This is a fictional story featuring the pairing between jack///septic//eye and mark//iplier, or septiplier for short, and the pairing between jack///septic//eye and pew//die//pie, or jelix/septicpie for short. You are not to contact the people that are involved in this story with regards to questions about this story or their relationships, whatever they may be, as they have stated in the past that this makes them uncomfortable. This story will deal closely with spiralling mental health and will delve into very sensitive topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Chapter warnings will be provided as seen fit/needed. You are asked to read at your own discretion.  
> Thank you.~

Felix groaned as his mind began to regain consciousness, his head already pounding before the day had even started. He tried to open his eyes but quickly found the sun to be greeting him brightly. Very brightly. He cringed for a moment before finally managing to flutter his eyes open. Looking around he recognized that he had fallen asleep on the couch last night and, as soon as he made that discovery, he felt how sore and aching his back and neck were. No matter how comfy a couch was it never felt good to sleep on one through the night. Looking down across himself he saw the bottle of whiskey still clutched close to his chest. Upon further inspection, he found that the bottle was down to its last few drops. Had he really drank the whole thing? That would explain the headache.

Felix began to shift as he tried to find a comfortable position. In doing so, the whiskey bottle laying on his stomach slipped off of him and clattered to the floor, thankfully staying intact. The sound of the thick glass clanging onto the ground just made Felix's head pound harder. He managed to push himself into a sitting position and slumped back against the couch. Just sitting up had him panting for breath. There was no way he was going to be able to do anything productive today, let alone anything at all. He scanned his eyes lazily over his surroundings and found his phone lying face up on the ground next to the couch, still prominently displaying its large cracks. He reached down and clumsily took hold of the device before sitting back with it in his hand. He tapped into the Twitter app after opening his phone and typed out a quick tweet about being unable to make videos that day. He read it over a couple times in his head but honestly, in his current state, he could've read the tweet one hundred times over and he'd still never be able to comprehend it himself. Whatever. He got the main point across. It was good enough. He sent it.

Felix sighed as he leaned back into the couch again. He wanted to fall back asleep but he was too achy to get any peace. He needed to take something. Grunting, Felix pushed himself to a standing position from the couch and swayed slightly, shaking his head slightly as he attempted to steady himself and his head. It felt like he had to teach himself how to walk again. Somehow he managed to drag himself into the kitchen and over to the medicine cabinet. Opening it he reached inside and grabbed a bottle of Tylenol and, after a moment of fumbling with the child-proof cap, opened it and popped two pills into his hand. After doing so, Felix reached down onto the kitchen counter and opened up a bag of dinner buns and took two. He wasn't hungry, he didn't really feel like eating anything at all, but he knew the pills might make him sick if he didn't put something in his stomach to balance them. He threw the pills into his mouth then took a bite out of one of the buns, the texture of food feeling weird in his mouth in his current state. That feeling would probably wear off soon enough.

Felix turned, not bothering to close the cabinet, and walked back over to the living room and his couch. He collapsed onto the piece of furniture, his legs aching. He thought about pulling out his phone and scrolling through Twitter but then thought better of it. He couldn't handle all that right now. Besides, his motor skills weren't really functioning properly at the moment. Attempting to hold a phone and scroll through it at the same time with one hand was too much for him at the moment. Opting to go for the form of entertainment that required much less work, Felix reached down and blindly groped at the ground beside the couch, satisfied once his fingers finally found the remote control and brought it up beside himself. He flicked on the TV and began to flip through the channels, taking another bite of his bun as he did so.

There were various cooking shows, challenge shows, news channels, dramas, and the like. None of which caught Felix's attention or captured his interest. Finally, he landed on something that held some merit. A police officer was being interviewed about the events of a case he had solved. As he spoke, the camera would occasionally cut to a different set piece where hired actors would act out and show the events which the officer was describing. Felix set the remote down on his lap and chewed absentmindedly while watching the show.

"James Davis was truly a hopeless romantic in the simplest of terms. Everything he cared about, everything he strived for was solely driven by his need to be with this person he cared about, y'know... The heart can be a scary thing sometimes," The officer explained. Felix cocked his head to the side slightly, fully intrigued now, "James had been friends with a girl named Maddison Campbell for basically two-thirds of his life and he was crazy in love with her. I'm talking head over heels, butterflies in the stomach, the whole nine yards. Now, Maddison was never informed of Jame's feelings, he actually never told her. She just thought that he was her best friend, and in a way he was, y'know. People said they were inseparable. Maddison was described as a very pretty girl. Y'know, she was young, just graduated college, she was a smart kid and very nice to everyone she met. She was just a walking ball of positive energy, so naturally, she had lots of friends. Well, eventually one of these friends became more than just a friend. I mean, it was inevitable, really. People had seen her and this boy, Cameron Jacobs, constantly flirting, y'know, being playful with each other. Both very good kids. They just kinda gravitated towards each other. Of course, once they announced their relationship James got pretty upset about it. And he knew better than to voice his feelings but he did eventually talk to some of his close friends about how he was feeling, y'know. Things like 'I wish I told her how I felt' and 'I thought she loved me', 'I was gonna tell her someday'. Things like that."

Felix leaned forward slightly on the couch, ignoring his aches at the moment. He was completely absorbed into the TV, amazed at how similar all these events sounded. The officer on screen continued.

"Eventually Cameron proposes to Maddison and they're on their way to having this big wedding, y'know, inviting everybody, making all these plans. Maddison was ecstatic about the whole thing. She was very much a 'girls' girl. Always wanted the family wedding, wanted the princess dress, the big cake, y'know, all that. She could not wait for this wedding. Now, James being her closest friend, he was one of the first people to find out about this. And he was livid. He never told this to Maddison, of course, he didn't want to make her upset, but hearing about this just made him spiral out of control. Now, James was very good at hiding his emotions, so even though some people noticed how upset he was about the event, I don't think anybody realised just how desperate James was. Y'know, 26, living on his own, working two jobs, swimming in debt from student loans, I think James really saw Maddison as his only form of happiness, so to think that she might be getting stolen away from him, he just couldn't handle it."

Felix let out a shaky breath. He felt sympathy for James, as bad as that sounded. Everything that the officer was describing about James Felix understood perfectly. It was honestly a little scary to think how similar Felix found himself to James.

"For the first couple of months, no one really sees James. He stays in his house all day, at work he keeps to himself, he kinda stops talking to a lot of people. That kind of self-imposed isolation on someone, especially when they're hurting so badly on the inside, can really mess with someone's head. So James starts keeping a journal in order to get his thoughts out. As the wedding date gets closer and closer James just gets more and more depressed and desperate. Eventually, he convinces himself that Maddison must be in love with him too. This kind of false hope happens a lot in people who are desperate and sad. So he decides 'I have to do something about this'. A couple weeks before the wedding he invites Maddison out for a drink alone. And she thinks, y'know, 'oh this is my best friend and I haven't seen him in a long time, this is gonna be great!' but really she didn't know what was going on with him. So she shows up at this bar on the edge of town, quiet place, and her and James get to talking. Eventually, she gets up to go to the bathroom and when she comes back her drink tastes funny. She's a nice girl, doesn't really wanna bother anybody, so she keeps this to herself. Next thing you know, boom, she's out like a light. When she wakes up she's in this basement in a room with James and this is really when she starts to see how insane her friend has become. He tells her about how he feels, what he's been writing in his journal, how much he loves her, basically lays everything out on the table. She tries to tell him that she doesn't feel the same way but he really doesn't listen to her. James is so in love with her that he just kind of hears what he wants to hear. He keeps her for about 3 days. He takes care of her, he never once touches her, but he never shuts up. Just going on and on with all these thoughts he's kept to himself over the past months, how depressed he is. Maddison is very involved with her friends and her community, so her disappearance is immediately noticed. Search teams were sent out exactly twenty-four hours after her disappearance and-"

Felix sat open-mouthed and wide-eyed. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sure, he understood feeling sad and desperate and lonely. Understood how your soul gets torn out once you hear about the wedding, but he couldn't fathom kidnapping someone, no matter how desperate he got...

Or maybe he could.

Felix grimaced at himself and shook his head, horrified at the thought. Of all the terrible things he had pondered over the last week, this topped them all. No. Kidnapping? No. Out of the question. God, he was such a horrible person. How could he ever think such a horrible thing...

But... Maybe he had been right. Maybe Jack really did love him back. Would doing something that extreme be worth the risk? It definitely had its benefits and-

Felix shot up from the couch and began to pace around the room. No. No, no, god, no. This was fucked up. This was so fucked up. He was so fucked up. How could he even think such things? And to give them second thoughts, no less. God, he felt so ashamed with himself...

But did shame overpower his want, his need for love? For happiness? For affection? He was a person, a living breathing human being. Everyone deserved happiness in their life, even if it was hard to get. Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made-

What kind of fucked up sacrifice was that? Kidnapping his best friend? That's not a fucking sacrifice, that's a fucking crime. There's a difference. God, there's a huge fucking difference between making a sacrifice and choosing to do something so horrific, so terrifying. Jack would never look at him the same...

But maybe that was what he wanted.

But he couldn't want that.

But he did.

But he shouldn't.

But he did...

God, this was all so fucked up. He was tired. He was hung over. He just needed to relax and stop thinking about it. No matter how much he might want it or think he needs it, Felix couldn't do something like that. He'd never forgive himself if he damaged his relationship with Jack beyond repair. It wasn't worth it. He needed to get his mind off of it. He needed to do something, anything. Felix picked up the TV remote he had set on the couch and clicked the TV into a different setting, then walked over to a cabinet beside the TV and opened it, revealing box upon box of different games. He needed to play something, get his mind off all of this.

\---

It was getting late. Felix had played every game he thought interested him in the moment, but he still couldn't stop thinking about **it**. He had gone into his bedroom and opened up a figurine kit and spent hours building it. Every moment of those hours, he couldn't stop thinking about **it**. Eventually, he had returned to his TV and turned to watching some of his favourite animes. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about **it**. This was stupid. This was so fucking stupid. It was no use. Defeated, Felix finally rose from his couch and switched off the TV for the final time that day. He dragged himself into his bedroom and threw his clothes off of him and onto the floor, opting to fold them properly in the morning. Today had kicked his ass mentally and he just wanted to sleep. He pulled back the covers of his bed and crawled under the soft, cool material. He fluttered his eyes closed.

All of a sudden, he found himself waking up again. Back in that godforsaken hotel room where he had heard the news. Felix felt his skin boiling. He was at the end of his rope, on his last nerve. He had to fix this. To fix everything. He jumped out of bed and rushed to the hotel door, not bothering to change out of his clothes or prepare for the day. He felt fresh, revitalised, determined.

In a flash, he was swinging open the doors to the convention and sprinting inside. No one stopped him or dared to step in his way. Somehow, they all knew that this was bound to happen. It needed to happen. It didn't take long for Felix to spot the one he wanted to see most. Jack. Standing next to Mark, the two hand in hand. Felix stopped for a moment and wondered if this was worth it. If telling Jack of his feelings would even change anything. And then, he saw it. Jack's smile. It was plastic. Purely made of plastic. How had he not noticed it before? It seemed so blatant now. Looking down, Felix looked at Jack's and Mark's hands clasped together in a loving hold. But then it shifted slightly, and suddenly it wasn't so loving anymore. It was harsh, gripping, white-knuckled. He blinked and saw that Jack wasn't even holding on. It was Mark, his hand wrapped tightly around Jack's wrist. Holding him. Keeping him. Felix looked back up and blue met blue, Jack now having noticed Felix come in. Jack's smile didn't fade, but how could it? Something so fake couldn't move, but Felix saw his eyes. They were filled with hurt, with longing, with a need to break free. Felix knew he had to do something. Now.

"Let him go, Mark," Felix called across the room. The American whipped his head toward the Swede, his eyes filled with worry all of a sudden.

"F-Felix!" Mark stuttered, startled, "I-I'm surprised you came back! I didn't expect to see you again. Are you feeling better?" Mark attempted to dodge the question. Felix began to move towards the couple.

"Let. Him. Go, Mark" Felix repeated again, more sternly, "He doesn't belong with you," Felix finally said. Finally. It felt good to say those words out loud. Mark's expression grew stern.

"What do you mean he doesn't belong with me? He loves me. Don't you, Jack?" Mark asked, his voice suddenly changing again from stern to soft as he gently turned Jack's face to look at him. He tried to hide it, but Felix could see the death grip Mark had on Jack's jaw, "You love me, baby, don't you?" He asked softly.

"Of course," Jack croaked out, his voice hitching. Felix could see how trapped Jack felt. He had to do something.

He took one step and suddenly he was on the other side of the room, grabbing hold of Jack's hands and ripping him out of Mark's grasp. The American tried to reach out to Jack once again, but Felix pulled him out of Mark's reach. Felix turned back to Jack and stared into his eyes, holding the Irishman's bruised hands gently in his.

"You don't have to say what you don't mean," Felix spoke softly, affectionately, "You don't have to be afraid anymore," He shook his head slightly, staring into Jack's fearful eyes, now beginning to fill with tears, "I'm here," Felix cooed. He lifted his hand and placed it gently on Jack's cheek and began wiping away his tears. As soon as he made contact with it, Jack's plastic smile broke and fell off his face. He took a shaky breath out as he leaned into Felix's touch, finally free.

"No, you can't do this!" Mark called out harshly, interrupting the moment, "He's mine!" He shouted angrily. Suddenly, it seemed as if everyone at the convention stood behind Mark, all looking as angry as he did.

"You don't belong with him!" The crowd called to Jack angrily. Felix looked over and could see the fight going on in Jack's head. Should he continue to follow along with what everyone else wanted, or should he finally fight for his own happiness? Felix gently turned Jack's face back to him.

"You don't have to listen to them. You don't have to pretend anymore," Felix reassured him. Jack stared back into Felix's eyes for a moment before an affectionate smile formed on his face. He had made his choice.

"Get them!" Mark called out angrily. Immediately, the crowd began to sprint towards the two outcasts.

Felix quickly locked Jack's hand with his and began to run for the exit to the convention. As fast as the crowd was, Jack and Felix were faster. In a flash they were darting out the door, running as fast as their legs would carry them, their burning passion for each other the only thing fueling them. The wind licked through their hair as they ran through the streets and alleyways, ducking and weaving through every twist and turn with ease. It wasn't long before they escaped the city and out-ran the mob. They ran over highways and train tracks and fields of every kind, the wind at their backs as they flew through the country. It wasn't long before they came upon a city in the distance, and then that city drew closer. And closer. And closer. Running through the streets, Felix couldn't believe where they had run to. His home. His real home. Where he grew up. Stockholm, Sweden. Darting through the streets they came into an alleyway and finally skidded to a halt. They had travelled thousands of miles together, crossing every form of land known to man, and yet they felt energized. Nothing could separate them now. Felix turned around and looked at Jack, their eyes meeting again. The Irishman smiled warmly at him. It was real, genuine.

"I love you," Jack finally said. And there it was. The affection, the look, the firm grasp that Jack held to Felix. Now Felix knew it was true. To Jack, he was special. And Jack was special to him. Jack slowly leaned closer and closer towards Felix, his eyes closing slightly as he did so. Felix copied his action, their faces inching closer and closer. Suddenly, Jack stopped and looked up into Felix's eyes, "Now you just have to get me to admit it."

"What?" Felix asked, confused.

And suddenly, in a flash, he was back in his room again. Waking up.

Felix sat up in his bed and looked around. It was still dark. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands, shaking his head at himself.

This was so fucking stupid.


	5. How the Tables Turned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long! One thing lead to another and I ended up not having time and/or lacking motivation. But it's here now! Hopefully the wait was worth it. I'll try to update more regularly :)

Felix leaned back in his chair and rubbed at his face, his camera just having been turned off after recording. He looked up at his monitor and clicked around on it a bit, privately uploading the video to Sive for editing before sitting back in his chair again. He sighed contentedly, happy with the video he had just made. 

It had been a couple days since Felix had gotten... that idea. It had been hard going through each day, trying to work through videos and the like while still having the thought at the front of his mind. Felix was proud of himself, though, since today had been the first time he had really stopped thinking about that crazy idea. He no longer found himself dwelling on its possibility, which he was thankful for. He didn't ever want to have that thought dwell in his mind again and he was doing a good job of making sure it didn't. Sure, it entered his mind every now and then, but he no longer found himself thinking seriously about it. The entirety of the situation still upset him, of course. The proposal, the marriage, the announcement, but today was the first time in a long time that Felix found himself genuinely getting over the whole ordeal. Perhaps he really was working through his feelings, or maybe he was learning to push them down, maybe he had just isolated himself to the point where he no longer felt upset. The reason behind it didn't matter. He was getting over it, and that was a huge step in the right direction, Felix thought.

Just then, Felix heard the sound of his stomach rumbling. As soon as he recognised the noise a twinge of discomfort formed in his stomach and through his torso, as if his body had suddenly remembered how hungry it was. Standing up from his computer, Felix made his way out of his recording room and down the hall to his kitchen, fully intent on cooking himself a tasty dinner. He opened his fridge and surveyed its contents; a couple of salad dressing bottles, a carton of milk with a thimble of milk left, some chip dip containers, and a stick of butter. Nothing really to cook with. He closed the door to the fridge and moved over to his pantry; a box of cereal, a jar of pasta sauce, and a container full of brown sugar. Apparently, in Felix's bout of self-isolation, he had neglected to go to the grocery store and buy actual food. He thought about going to get fast food, but the thought of eating such greasy food again after doing so for practically every meal the last couple days made him want to gag. A nice, home-cooked meal was what he really wanted and he would do practically anything to get it.

Seeing as there was no other option, Felix sighed as he walked over to the door of his apartment and slipped on his coat as he stepped outside. He quickly hopped into his car and drove to the grocery store, neglecting to make a list of any kind for what he might need. Honestly, at that point, bringing home any sort of food combination at all would serve him better than trying to work solely with what was already in his cupboards. It wasn't long before Felix was parking his car in the parking lot and walking into the store, grabbing a store kart as he made his way inside. Surprisingly, there weren't that many other people at the store, so he was allowed to roam as he pleased through the aisles without worry of standing in someone's way or walking too slow.

He meandered through aisle after aisle, grabbing off the shelf what looked good, debating quietly to himself what brands might be better, whether he would need bigger sizes for certain things. He had almost finished his trip when he was walking beside the row of aisles, his head turned up to read their labels again, when a voice suddenly greeted his ears.

"Hey, Felix!"

Felix stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn't tell whether he wanted to curl up in a ball or fling himself fully at the voice's owner. He knew he couldn't run from the situation, so he plastered a smile on his face as he turned around to face his excited Irish friend.

"Hey! How's it going?" Felix asked Jack as the Irishman walked happily toward him.

"It's going great, man! It feels like a while since we've talked. Almost a month, practically! God, how are things?" Jack asked warmly as he stopped to stand by his friend.

"Oh, y'know, things are moving along. I got kinda sick after the con so I decided to just rest for a while," Felix responded, "But I'm better now!"

"Oh, well that's good!"

Just then, a thought clicked into Felix's mind, "Hey, why are you here?" He asked without thinking. Trying not to sound rude, he quickly added, "I mean, shouldn't you be in America right now?"

"Yeah, I've been in America ever since the con ended. Y'know, making wedding plans with Mark and all that. But I still can't decide if I want to live here or live in LA. Mark already said he'd go wherever I felt most comfortable, so he came down here with me for the month just to see if we like living here," Jack explained, "I'm still kinda flip-flopping on the whole thing,"

Felix didn't know which sounded worse; Jack moving away to America to live with Mark for the rest of his life, only seeing Felix maybe once every two years in person if that, his and Felix's paths never again to cross over in a nonchalant setting alone, or to have Jack stay here, his and Mark's relationship on full display for Felix to see, to have the constant reminder that Jack would never be his to hold, every day holding fear of going outside and seeing the two of them so close. Both versions sounded horrible.

"Yeah, that's gotta be a tough decision," Felix nodded along, his answer both truthful and hidden at the same time.

"Oh, but believe me, wherever we decide to live, our wedding there is gonna be fucking rocking!" Jack boasted happily, his demeanour quickly shifting from happy to ecstatic when the topic of his wedding was brought up. Felix had to will every muscle in his body not to drop his shoulders and slump over at Jack's sudden change in expression. The fact that Jack was so absolutely excited about the wedding only made it so much worse. "Me and Mark both really love the colour red so we're gonna use that as our main colour. We've been going suit shopping and I just can't decide if I want to wear an all-white suit or this one really stunning deep red suit that has this awesome, kinda henna-like design all over it in a shiny black. God, it looks amazing," Felix shifted his weight from one side of his body to the other, trying to hide how uncomfortable the details of Jack's wedding was, "Oh, and we've been putting together this fucking awesome playlist with all our favourite songs on it, the night is gonna be fucking pumping! We've already talked to the person who's gonna design our cake and they sketched it out for us already. It's gonna be this gorgeous 3 tiered cake, all basic white, with handmade roses all over it. Y'know, I've even been thinking about buying a leg garter, not because I wanna have a garter toss or anything! But just to give Mark a lil surprise later, y'know?" Jack was giggling now, and Felix had to force out a fake laugh at the same time. He didn't think this conversation could get any more unbearable. Jack's demeanour suddenly changed from energetic to soft.

"But hey, I'm really glad I got to bump into you today," Jack spoke gently. He wrapped his hand around Felix's bicep and squeezed slightly, affectionately, "You've been an amazing friend to me all these years and I really appreciate having you around. I know sometimes me and Mark can be a little too public with our affection, but I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you when that happens," Felix blinked in surprise. This was not what he expected, "I don't know why but... ever since you got sick at the con, I couldn't help but feel that I played a part in it. I know you weren't actually sick, Felix... I don't know what was actually wrong, but I just wanted you to know that I love having you in my life, okay? And, y'know, whether I go back to LA or I stay here, I want you to stay my friend. Cause... you mean a lot to me, Felix. I don't know what I'd do without our friendship." Jack smiled warmly, softly, at Felix. Felix could only stare back, his fake smile already having faded from his face long ago. He felt his cheeks turn up slowly in a genuine, affectionate smile. This smile seemed to cause Jack to relax even more, happy that he was able to brighten Felix's day.

"Anyway, sorry to cut this short, but I gotta run," Jack said. As if Jack's speech hadn't startled Felix enough, he felt his heart stop as Jack stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the Swede in a tight embrace.

Felix felt himself automatically wrap his arms back around Jack's waist in return. He could feel Jack's warmth and heat radiating into his body, practically into his very soul as they embraced. Felix always found himself so cold for some reason, but now, in Jack's embrace, he felt his body flush with a comforting warmth. He almost didn't believe the moment to truly be happening, but Jack's secure hold around him kept him grounded in it all. Jack stretched his head out and allowed the side of his head to go flush against the crook of Felix's neck. Felix took a breath in and felt himself truly breathe for the first time in years. He felt whole and completely at home, as if he was always meant to stay held up against Jack's frame, their bodies sharing heat. He felt Jack's body expand and contract as he breathed in and out, their hearts beating together. He couldn't ever tell you why, but Felix could swear the world got brighter when he was in Jack's tight embrace. Colours popped and bloomed, and lights seemed to get brighter, but also softer. When he took breathes in through his nose, Jack's scent immediately flooded into his body. It was refreshing; a scent Felix could take in every moment of the day and never grow tired of. Every worry that could cloud his mind was whisked away, as if destroyed completely. Felix could practically feel himself melting from the warmth. He couldn't get over it. Was this what everyone else felt? This warmth and stability, this heat and security, did everyone just have this? Or was it just Jack? Perhaps it was neither. Perhaps, when they held each other like this, that was the only time this feeling could occur. Everything seemed right; exactly the way it should be.

He felt Jack begin to pull away and it took the strength of God himself for Felix not to grip him tighter. Jack placed his hands on Felix's shoulders and leaned away from him, his eyes fluttering open as he did so. Jack had closed his eyes?

"I'll see you around, yeah?" Jack's eyes were filled with sincerity. Felix nodded silently at the question, still reeling from the moment. Then, Jack let go, and the world faded back to normal. Boring normal. Colourless normal. _Meaningless_ normal.

Felix looked after him as Jack walked away and disappeared down another aisle. The world seemed colder, darker, dimmer.

Maybe that crazy idea, the one that was so unthinkable, wasn't so crazy after all.

\---

Felix paced around his living room, an activity which had become increasingly common for him since his run-in with Jack two days ago. His mind did flips and spins as he debated the thought within it, something that he swore he would never do again. He really hadn't slept since the encounter, his mind too busy to focus on anything else. He would have felt bad about going to the store in the first place since he really hadn't used any of the food he bought but his mind was too preoccupied.

He hated himself for debating the thought but every time he found himself reaching the edge of a decision another string of thoughts would come rushing in to pull him back. If he began considering the legitimacy of acting on his thoughts he would immediately begin thinking of his morals and the irreversible consequences of his actions. If he began to push the idea out of his head and disregard it his mind would immediately snap back to the hug he and Jack had shared and how he had felt.

He slumped down onto the couch, resting his arms on his legs as he rubbed at his face. He needed to think clearly and pacing only made him more anxious. The thought... Felix groaned. He couldn't keep dancing around it like it didn't exist, couldn't keep avoiding addressing it by what it actually was. How could he ever hope to come to a complete decision if he couldn't even face what his thought actually was? Kidnapping Jack. There. There it was. To kidnap Jack. That was his thought. Even just addressing it by name caused Felix's face to scrunch up, cringing at his own mind. You'd think having that strong of a negative reaction to just its title would deter the Swede from considering its legitimacy but apparently not.

Kidnapping Jack- still just as horrible to think the second time- could possibly have some advantages for Felix, that much he fully understood, but there were so many things that could go wrong. What would his wish even be anyway? What was he hoping for if any of this came true? For Jack to love him back? For Jack to call off the wedding? How in the hell would kidnapping him make any of those things true? Not to mention the fact that this could very easily blow up in his face. Jack could hate him. Forever. The thought made him shiver. He couldn't handle someone he cared so much for, someone he held so close to his heart, to hate him. If just hearing about Jack being engaged to someone else put a heavyweight on his shoulders then having Jack hate him would be like a hydraulic press to his heart. You can't force someone to love you, no one can. There was no way he could carry out such a ridiculously horrific plan.

... And yet he also couldn't bear the thought of standing by and doing nothing as Jack was swept away from him, as his joy was swept away from him for good. Yes, he had been recovering from the news before, that was true. But was he happy? He thought he was until that hug happened. Even just thinking about it caused Felix's shoulders to soften. He had never felt so warm in his life as he had in Jack's hold. He had always recognized that he felt cold throughout his life but he had never realised just how ice cold it was before. What he used to think was a comfortable temperature for him now seemed unbearable given the new sensation. But how could this be new? Jack had hugged him before. Of course he had! Jack was an affectionate person to everyone he met. Hugging was his thing! Felix had embraced Jack multiple times before but had never felt this awestruck with it... Well, sort of. Embracing Jack had always brought warmth to his heart in some way, that was what drew him so much to liking Jack in the first place. He felt joyful and warm whenever he was in Jack's presence, no matter the circumstance. Perhaps the overlooming thought of losing Jack forever is what made this time different. He would do anything to get that feeling back but it was useless. Felix felt like he was clawing at glass with no way of grabbing hold of anything.

Well... There was one way.

God, he hated himself so much. How could he not make a decision? Just pick the best one! The best one obviously being to **not** fucking kidnap someone! How could that not be the best option? ... Well, all things considered, that option would never bring him back to the peaceful bliss he felt with Jack. That option could never fulfil him in life. He felt no joy from that option. But did the option of kidnapping the one he loved bring him any joy? Well, in a very weird way, it did. It allowed him to take control of the situation after he had felt control had been ripped from his fingertips. The first option gave him no control, no fulfilment, no happiness. How could it be the best option? ... Because it didn't make him a fucking felon, that's why! ... But it sure made him feel like his joy had been stolen from him... But what the hell did his joy matter here? We're talking about kidnapping someone! Taking them from their home! Forcing them somewhere they don't want to go! People write fucking shows just about that because it's so traumatising! Where the hell is any 'joy' in that situation?! ... Well, shows can always be scripted. People get told what to say, given eye drops to make tears, and then roll in the cash. He wasn't ignoring the fact that kidnapping was bad in the majority sense, but weren't there happy stories from kidnapping? There had to be, there's a story for everything. But how could something like that be happy? Well, if both people involved already wanted to be with each other then...

Felix stopped. He blinked for a moment, as if almost surprised. Had he really just thought that?

... Yes. Yes he had. Was there even a possibility of Jack wanting him too? But he was with Mark, had made the effort to be with Mark. How could Jack want Felix if he had chosen to be with Mark? Maybe... Maybe Jack was more like Felix than either of them had realised. Felix had learned through experience how to push down his true feelings and plaster on a fake smile, one which most people could never see-through. Felix had learned how to play the part, how to act happy to appease others, but there was one person he could never fool and that was Jack. Only someone with a similar experience would be able to see through his smile. Did that mean that Jack felt the same way but he too was too scared to admit it? Sure, Jack usually wore his heart on his sleeve, but everyone has secrets, everyone hides parts of themselves. But why would Jack get with Mark if he truly wanted to be with Felix? Septiplier was so extremely popular even before Jack and Mark got together. Maybe Jack felt pressured? Like he had to be in a relationship with Mark to appease others. He had to act happy to appease others. Just like Felix.

Well, maybe Mark truly loved him just as much as Felix did? ... **No.** No, that was impossible. Felix had watched them be together for years, he had seen how they acted with each other. Mark couldn't possibly admire Jack as much as Felix did. Sure, they were public with their affection, but that didn't mean it was true love. God, Felix loved Jack so much. Everything about him was absolutely stunning. Every action he took, every step he made took the Swede's breath away. Could Mark love Jack like that? Hell no. No one loved Jack like Felix loved Jack. Mark was Felix's friend, they had been friends for years and Felix valued their friendship but there was no way in hell Mark loved Jack more than Felix. And if Jack loved Felix too... Just the thought made his heart skip a beat. Felix couldn't stop a small smile from forming on his face. To be loved by Jack, there could be no sweeter feeling.

Felix sat back on the couch. He had made a decision.

The thought that Jack loved him too, that they could live happily together? That settled it. This was the best option. It had to be; for Jack and Felix's sake.

It had to be.


	6. Now or Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are starting to ramp up!

Felix had to keep readjusting his hands on the wheel as he drove due to the anxious sweat that was pouring out of him. He couldn't help but wring his hands around the wheel as he drove, trying to both stay focused on the road and work through the plan in his head. He thought he was doing a good job of giving sufficient thought to both activities but he proved himself wrong as he had to slam on his breaks so as to not miss the turn in to the restaurant parking lot. If his heart wasn't beating fast enough already he felt it skip a beat at the thought of him almost causing a car crash; on this specific day no less. Felix found a parking spot as fast as he could, mentally kicking himself again for pulling in so quick when he could have so easily sideswiped a car, before putting the car in park as fast as possible. He took a deep breath in through his nose and shakily let it out passed his lips. He needed to calm down and he needed to do it quick. He gripped at the steering wheel to ground himself as he took another breath, slowly this time, and gently exhaled. He sat there for a moment in contemplation, going over the plan in his head once more. Nothing could go wrong tonight.

It had been about a month since Felix had made his decision and ever since that day he had been coming up with a plan of just how he was going to do it. Even though he had finalized his plan 2 weeks ago he still found himself going over it every moment of every day, trying to consider all possibilities, all the things that could go wrong, all the steps that needed to take place. If anything, anything at all, were to go awry or wrong Felix knew he'd be looking at a police report and handcuffs on his wrists, not to mention the fact that he could kiss his happiness goodbye for good. This had to be perfect, it had to. And it seemed that he had come up with his plan just in the nick of time, too, as not even a week had passed since Mark and Jack had announced that they would be going to live in LA and leaving Brighton forever. Felix knew he had to act quick, so he had booked a reservation for him, Jack, Mark, Brad, and Pj to all go out to dinner the night before Jack and Mark would leave. That was the easy part of this whole process.

He looked over at the passenger seat, surveying one last time the items he had brought with him and mentally going over their purposes. He had separated them into two small piles. One that he would need when in the restaurant, and one that he would need after. He knew he couldn't take anything too big into the restaurant and carrying any sort of purse or bag with him would be out of character and obviously suspicious to the group. Everything he had to take would have to fit into his pockets. To take into the restaurant he had prepared a small bag of Benzodiazepine (or BZD) pills, two to be exact. There was no way he would be able to get Jack alone before he and Mark left for LA, making BZD the only pill he could fathomably use under the circumstances since it would only make Jack tired and eventually unconscious, whereas other pills would make him confused or compliant and any such behaviour on Jack's part would surely have alerted Mark to something suspicious. He really only needed one pill but he worried about possibly dropping the first one before he could slip it into Jack's drink, prompting him to bring two. That was all he would need while inside the restaurant. He looked over at the second pile. 2 lengths of rope bundled up, a couple of kitchen towels tied together, and a bottle of chloroform just in case the pills weren't strong enough. Felix prayed to God that he wouldn't have to use the bottle. He didn't think he would be strong enough to chloroform Jack; not physically, but mentally. He wouldn't be able to hold Jack down and look into his fearful eyes as they drooped shut. Still, he couldn't write out any possibilities, so he had reluctantly brought it with him.

He took a breath and steadied himself. He went over the plan one last time in his head. They were going to sit at a table with Mark, Jack, and Pj on one side of the table with him and Brad on the other. As long as Mark and Jack sat together, which they obviously would all things considered, then that would keep Mark's vision turned to the side the whole night, leaving Jack's drink unnoticed. Jack would no doubt order a beer, he always did, and Felix knew that the walkway to the bathrooms was right next to the entrance to the kitchen. He planned to head to the washroom just before their drinks were intended to be delivered to the table and slip the pill into Jack's drink then. That would give it enough time to dissolve and get worked into the drink. He hoped Jack would fully finish his drink to get the full effect of the pill, but he wasn't sure. Sometimes Jack finished it and sometimes he didn't. Having that uncertainty was less than ideal but he didn't have any other options. Once Jack would start to be affected by the pill then Felix would offer to drive him home. He knew Mark wouldn't object to the help considering he and Jack would be hopping on a long flight early the next day. Once Jack and Felix were in the car they would drive around until Jack became fully affected by the pill and fell asleep. Or, in the worst-case scenario, Felix would drive around until it was apparent Jack wasn't going to fall asleep and then chloroform him when he was still at his weakest. After that, they were home free.

Felix looked up from his seat and saw Brad and Pj's vehicle pulling into parking spots of their own. He couldn't sit and wait anymore. It was time. Felix quickly reached over and pushed the bag of pills into his pocket, taking an extra second to look and make sure it was completely concealed. He then grabbed the rope, towels, and chloroform bottle and put them down on the floor behind the two front seats. He sat up and looked at them for a moment. Should he move them to a more concealed spot? Felix looked back out into the parking lot to see if he had any time left to do so. Pj, Brad, and Mark were all already out of their vehicles, all talking together, but that was not the first person Felix saw. He first saw Jack, who was waiving at him as he walked closer to Felix's vehicle, most likely to bring him over to the group. There was no time to move the items. There was no time to do anything. Felix quickly plastered on a smile as he undid his seatbelt and stepped out.

"Long time no see!" Jack greeted, stepping over to pull Felix in for a quick hug. Felix practically had to shut down all of his senses to avoid being sucked into the mental ecstasy from last time. Remembering that Mark was there, most likely watching the two of them hug, helped keep Felix grounded. He hugged back and held his breath for a moment. The only sensation he couldn't block out was the warmth Jack's body gave him, which acted quickly to calm his thoughts and put him at ease, something he couldn't help but be thankful for what with his mind swirling with thoughts of pills, beer, and the sort. Still, he knew if he clung on for too long he wouldn't be able to think clearly the rest of the night. Reluctantly, and with all his strength, he pulled away from the hug first, an action which seemed to surprise Jack.

"I could say the same to you!" Felix chirped back happily, stepping back slightly to stand a reasonable distance away from Jack. That caught Jack's attention as well, as Felix saw the Irishman's eyes dart down to Felix's legs in confusion before coming back up to look Felix in the eye. He could tell Jack was confused and maybe a bit flustered. What was Jack thinking? Felix didn't get much time to ponder that thought, though, as Mark spoke up.

"Let's not waste too much time out here. We can have our little reunion inside. Felix, we have a reservation here, right?" Mark asked, unaware of what he had just interrupted.

"Yup," Felix answered back, taking a step towards Mark and the restaurant, "They should have it ready for us now,"

"Perfect," Mark spoke before turning to walk towards the restaurant, Brad and Pj following close behind him.

Felix turned back to Jack and held out a hand to him while gesturing to the restaurant. Jack stood there for a moment, a half-smile on his lips while he looked back at Felix, eyes glazed over in contemplation. He blinked and snapped himself out of it before walking past Felix towards the restaurant, making sure not to walk too far ahead of him. Felix worried that maybe he had hurt Jack by stepping away from the hug. But how could an action that small hurt him? Hadn't he ever been the first to let go of a hug from Jack before? ... Come to think of it, no, he had never been the one to let go first. Damn it. He had acted strange. Now Jack knew something was wrong. Shit. For the first time, Felix hoped that he had merely hurt Jack's feelings and nothing more. If that were the case, he would be able to explain and apologize later. They would have time.

Felix followed the group into the restaurant as the host was gathering their menus to take to the table. It was a rustic looking place, using a lot of exposed wood and rusted metal decor to set the theme for the place. On a small blackboard in front of the front desk were listed the day's specials and their prices written in a curvy font. They were then led to their table, a short bit away from the front desk, where the host quickly set down their menus before returning to their post. Felix watched as things began to fall perfectly into place. Pj sat on the closest side of the table at the last seat, Mark following close in behind him and taking the seat next to him, the American's back to the front desk. Brad followed in toe, choosing to sit on the farther side of the table at the last seat. That left two empty seats beside Brad and one empty seat beside Mark, which Jack would obviously take. Even just everyone sitting in their specific seats, the seats Felix had laid out in his mind, gave the Swede a confidence boost. He might actually pull this off. Jack looked back at the Swede and gestured to the table, allowing Felix to sit first. Felix took it to be a sign of courtesy and sat down in the first seat on the farthest side of the table, leaving one empty chair between him and Brad. Felix looked ahead at the empty seat in front of him, happily waiting for Jack to sit down across from him. As he was waiting, he heard the sound of wood being dragged across the carpet beside him. He turned his head, looking over to see if Brad was getting up or... Jack. Jack was pulling out the chair to sit in. The chair right between Felix and Brad. Not next to Mark. Not across from Felix. Right beside him. Felix felt himself hold his breath. He felt a slight panic creeping into his mind but he shoved it back down as quick as it came.

"Oh, Jack!" Felix spoke, not attempting to hide how startled he sounded, "I thought you were gonna... I thought you wanted to sit next to Mark?" Felix asked, gesturing over to the American and glancing over at him at the same time. From Mark's expression, Felix could tell this had surprised him too. Jack plopped himself down in the seat and pulled the chair in beside Felix, shimmying and getting a lot more comfortable than Felix would have liked.

"I'll get the chance to sit next to Mark for more than 10 hours tomorrow. But I'm not gonna be able to sit next to you guys for a long time," Jack explained, gesturing to Brad, Pj, and mostly Felix, "So I wanna sit next to you while I have the chance," Jack stopped to look over at Mark, "Is that okay?" He asked, looking at Mark and then back to Felix, posing the question to both of them. Felix quickly looked back up at Mark, hoping- no, **praying** that Mark would tell Jack to come to sit over by him, that choosing to sit by a friend instead of your fiancee was inappropriate, that choosing to sit by Felix hurt Mark's feelings. Something. Anything to get Jack to where he was supposed to be sitting. Where Felix wanted him to sit in the first place. But his prayers fell on deaf ears as Mark's face softened to his neutral look.

"Fine by me," Mark smiled at Jack, causing the Irishman to smile wider with relief. Felix felt like he was gonna vomit. Maybe he could state that he was uncomfortable in an unsuspicious way? But how could he- "Besides, we both know you're gonna be sick of sitting next to me by tomorrow night," Mark joked.

"Oh, don't be silly," Jack jokingly chastised, rolling his eyes, "I'm sick of you already and we're not even married yet."

"Not too late to back out! I'll just be taking that ring back," Mark teased, reaching over the table toward's Jack's engagement ring. Jack quickly snatched his hand away.

"No way, dude! I need the views! I already have the video title in my head. 'Markiplier x Jacksepticeye Fanfiction Wedding Dramatic Acting', or just 'I Married Markiplier For His Money'."

"Don't forget to add 'septiplier' in the title. That's a keyword," Mark pointed out. Jack lightly smacked himself upside the head.

"See, this is what I'm actually marrying you for. Cause I forget keywords like 'septiplier' and I need you to remind me of them," Jack started to laugh at himself. 

"Happy to help!" Mark smiled back warmly.

"Speaking of the wedding," Pj piped up as he leaned his arms on the table, "How's the planning going?"

"We got the location down," Mark shared, both him and Jack becoming visibly excited at the thought of sharing their wedding plans.

And just like that, the discussion had shifted from Jack's seating arrangements to the wedding before Felix could even think of what he wanted to say. Raising any objections now would clearly be a bad idea, not to mention extremely suspicious all things considered. Now Mark's attention would be across the table the whole night, with Felix in his peripheral vision. If Felix acted in any suspicious way now Mark would have a clear view of it and no doubt would point it out in some way, either by asking how Felix was doing or making a face. Perhaps it was a minor detail, sure, but on tonight of all nights any setbacks or unexpected events just put Felix further on edge. He wanted everything to go perfectly, needed everything to go perfectly. God, why can't people just do the things he wanted them to do? Felix deeply and quietly took a breath in through his nose and exhaled it. He needed to stay calm. Focus on the end goal. Just then, Felix saw what looked to be their waitress walking up to their table. The rest of the group seemed to notice too as their conversation came to a halt as the waitress stepped up.

"Evening folks. My name's Jennavieve and I'll be your waitress tonight. Can I get you started on some drinks?" The woman asked, taking out a pen and a small notebook as she did so.

"Just a water for me," Pj answered.

"Bourbon, please and thanks," Brad answered as well.

"Lemon water, thanks," Mark answered.

"A Guinness if you please," Jack answered. That put some relief in Felix. At least he had guessed Jack's drink option correctly.

"Just a water," Felix answered. With his nerves as on edge as they were, he thought that anything else might make him sick. The waitress scribbled down their orders before slipping the notebook back into her apron.

"Alrighty, I'll have those out for you in a moment," She said before whisking herself away to the kitchen.

As the waitress left it was then that the group decided to take a look at their menus. Pj, Brad, and Jack all quickly decided what they wanted to eat, whereas Mark seemed to have a bit of trouble deciding.

"How did you guys decide so quickly? There's so many options," Mark asked, flipping back through the menu again over all the options.

"We've all eaten here before," Brad answered, "This is the spot in town to eat. Everyone goes here."

"What are you in the mood for, babe?" Jack asked.

"I don't know, really," Mark shrugged as he read over the menu once more.

Food was the last thing on Felix's mind in that moment. As much as he tried to push his emotions down for some reason in that moment he couldn't keep them from bubbling up. All of his doubts and fears for the night rose to the surface, unprecedented and unwanted. Perhaps this wasn't a good idea. Jesus Christ, how could he ever have thought this was a good idea? Jack was just trying to be his friend. Everyone at the table was just trying to be friendly and Felix knew this was going to throw a giant wrench into their lives if he went through with this. Was it even worth it? Oh god, was this even worth it? Sure, maybe Jack wanted him back too, but what about the others? Mark's opinion Felix could care less about, but what about Brad? What about Pj? What would they think? They might object to this as well. They might try to stop Felix from doing this. Somethings going to go wrong. He knew it, something is going to go wrong tonight. Hell, something already did go wrong. This was stupid. He was crazy. How did he ever convince himself this was going to work? Why was he doing this? Sure, he had an answer, but was that answer even valid? Was he-

Wait. How long had it been? Felix looked back up at the rest of the group, his panic suddenly vanishing as he seemed to wake up. Mark looked as though he was still deciding on what he wanted to eat and everyone else was trying to make suggestions. How long had it been since the waitress left with their orders for-

**Drinks. The drinks. Felix had to go to the drinks. He had to get to them. Now. Felix began to move to get up.**

"Hey, where are you going?" Jack asked. Felix looked up and saw that Jack was looking at him now. Everyone was looking at him now. He felt a lump form in his throat.

"Uh, I was just gonna go check on the drinks," Felix answered, looking back at Jack. Shit. He was supposed to excuse himself to the bathroom. Who the hell goes to check on drinks in a restaurant? That was suspicious. Shit. Shit.

"I'm sure they'll come out in a bit," Jack reassured him, "Are you that thirsty?" He asked.

"I, uh," Felix stammered. What the hell was he supposed to say? Just then, Jack looked over at the swinging door to the kitchen.

"See? You don't have to go check on them. Here comes the waitress with them now," Jack pointed out. Felix looked over and sure enough there was Jennavieve with all of their drinks.

**Felix had missed his chance. Shit. Shit. Shit. Oh god, what was he gonna do? Shit. SHIT.**

"Alrighty," Jennavieve came to a stop by the table beside Pj and Brad and began picking up drinks from off the tray she had brought, "Here's your water," She said as she placed a glass of water in front of Pj, "Bourbon," She placed it in front of Brad, "Lemon water," She slid it to Mark, "Guinness," She slid it to Jack, "And another water," She reached out towards Felix, expecting the Swede to take it. Jack, attempting to be courteous, took the drink for him and set it down in front of Felix, "Now," She said, pulling her notebook back out, "Has everyone decided on what they want to eat?" She asked.

"Yes," Brad, Pj, and Jack all answered. The waitress looked over at Mark.

"Come to me last," Mark requested, still scanning the menu though a bit more quickly now.

Felix couldn't tear his eyes away from Jack's drink. Practically sitting right in front of him. Jack's totally normal, completely safe drink. Oh god. Of all the things that could have gone wrong, why did this have to be one of them? Jack not sitting in the seat Felix wanted him to sit in seemed completely meaningless now compared to this. How could he have been so stupid? If he had just paid some attention to the time that was passing everything would have been fine. What was he gonna do? What could he do? Maybe he could still slip it in? But would it even have time to dissolve anymore? The drink was definitely dark enough. Maybe it would be concealed until it could fully dissolve. Felix quietly reached into his pocket and slipped his fingers into the bag. He grasped at one of the pills and pulled it out, keeping it under the table as he rubbed it between his fingers, attempting to calm himself. He had to act quick. Was anyone looking? Felix glanced up. Everyone was over looking at the waitress. Jack's drink was completely out of his line of sight. Could Felix actually do this? He glanced up again. Mark was still looking at his menu, his head turned up as his eyes darted around on the paper below him. If Felix did anything Mark would have a full view of it. Mark would see everything. Oh god. Oh Jesus. What could Felix do? Think, think fast. Mark glanced up at Felix as well. What the hell? What was Mark doing? Felix glanced over at the waitress. She was taking Jack's order. He was running out of time. Oh god. Just then, Mark stretched his arm around behind the back of his chair and twisted his body, turning his head around to look back at the Special's menu at the front. Felix went wide-eyed. Could he do this? He looked over. Everyone was looking at the waitress. But what if the waitress saw? Felix looked at her. As if on cue, Jennavieve looked back towards the kitchen.

**Now or never. Do it. DO IT NOW.**

Felix swiftly threw the pill into the drink. No one had seen. Felix went cold. The pill. The pill was sitting on the foam. The pill was sitting on top of the fucking foam. Could he push it in? Oh god, Mark was turning his head back around. So was the waitress. One of them would see it. Oh god. OH GOD-

Jack, his head still turned attentively toward's Jennavieve, reached over and gently took the drink in his hand. He raised it to his lips calmly and took a sip, opening his mouth a bit wider for a moment to take in a bit of the foam on the edge, before slowly setting his drink back down and turning back to Jennavieve as she began to take Pj's order.

Felix blinked. The pill. It was gone. He looked at Jack. Jack licked his lips, getting some of the remaining foam off of his mouth. Did Jack... Had he just... Did he just swallow the whole pill? Felix looked at Jack's expression. He was as calm as could be. He didn't even notice it. Felix's gaze slowly coasted down to the table. Jack hadn't seen it. He had swallowed the whole pill. He... had swallowed the whole pill. Felix felt nothing and everything all at once. Should he be relieved? Yes, of course, he should. Should he feel upset? Maybe. But he didn't. He just felt numb. He needed a moment to process what just happened. Had-

"Felix?"

"Huh?" Felix blinked, his mind suddenly being pulled back to reality as he looked up. Jack had called his name. The waitress was looking at him. She was waiting for his order, "Uh," He stammered, "Clubhouse meatball sandwich," He answered. How long had they been waiting for him to answer? The waitress quickly scribbled it down.

"Ceaser or all dressed?" She asked. Felix shook his head slightly. He was not in the right mindset to be asked questions right now.

"Uh, Ceaser," He managed to get out. She scribbled again.

"White or whole grain bread?" She asked again.

"Whole grain," Felix answered, a bit easier this time. She scribbled again, then turned her attention to Mark.

"And for you?" She asked, already looking down at her notebook, ready to take the order.

Felix looked over at Mark now too. Mark. Mark was staring at him. He looked contemplative. Why was Mark staring at him? Had he seen? Oh god. OH GOD. He was going to jail. They were going to lock him up. Jack was going to go away forever. He had done this all for nothing. Mark turned to the waitress.

"I'll have what he's having," He answered, gesturing to Felix, as calm as could be. She scribbled again.

"Alright. I'll have those out for you as soon as I can," She said before whisking herself away.

Felix let go of a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Everyone seemed normal. No one was panicking. Had he just... gotten away with this? He looked over at Jack. The Irishman was the same as he had always been. Calm, collected, looking around with wonder in his eyes. He didn't seem tired. No, Felix thought. He hadn't done anything yet. Yes, he had gotten the pill into him by sheer luck, but luck doesn't last forever. He still had to play the night out right. The pill would take effect in a little while. He just had to last until then. There could be no more screw ups on his part. He had to focus.

"Sorry, I kinda zoned out for a bit there," Felix apologized, putting a friendly smile on his face.

"Yeah, I kinda noticed," Jack replied, smiling at him. Even in a stressful situation such as this, seeing Jack smile back at him helped Felix put his mind at ease. He could do this.

"Did you hear where the wedding is gonna be?" Brad asked, leaning forward to look at Felix. Usually, any talk of the wedding would make Felix upset. But now, with his confidence for the night boosted, he didn't feel any discomfort at all. He could really do this.

"I kinda missed that part, sorry," Felix apologized in a sheepish tone.

"That was the most important part!" Mark criticized in jest, gesturing his hand toward's Felix in exasperation. Felix pursed his lips in a smile and pushed his head down between his shoulders in a sheepish manner.

"Sorry!" He apologized again before bringing his head back up. He turned to Jack, "Where is it gonna be?" He asked. Jack's smile seemed to grow twice its size. The Irishman paused, as if for a dramatic effect.

"Alaska," He finally stated. Felix widened his eyes and dropped his mouth open in a smile.

"No way!" He replied in an enthusiastic tone. Jack happily nodded, his shoulders coming up in excitement.

"Yes, way!"

"And we've picked where we're gonna take the pictures too," Mark added. By everyone's reaction, Felix concluded that neither Brad or Pj had been told this bit of info yet, "Dock Point Trail," Mark revealed, "It might be a little hard to get everyone out there but it's got this gorgeous view of the mountains in the back across this lake," He described.

The group continued discussing Jack and Mark's wedding plans. Going over the details, the suits, the food. The guest list, decorations and music. They talked about the cake, its design, and the flavour. If it had to do with the wedding, they talked about it. Surprisingly enough, Felix found himself actually enjoying the night. Laughing and talking with his friends. It felt like a dream. Of course, he stayed focused on the task at hand, but the supposed reward at the end of the night, what he was striving for, just made him even happier in the moment. He felt confident in himself and what he was doing, which was a feeling he hadn't felt since that night in the hotel. It felt so long ago that that had happened. Who could have known that it would culminate into this? Certainly not Felix. But everything felt so right. For the first time since he had made the decision, Felix felt happy that he had convinced himself to go through with it. Not too much time had passed before they saw Jennavieve exit the kitchen again, now carrying a tray with their food. The group quickly clear their respective sections of the table.

"Alrighty," Jennavieve said as she set up a prop to place the tray down on. She then began grabbing at the plates, two at a time, and bringing them over, "Chicken panini with gravy," She repeated, setting down a plate in front of Pj, "Chipotle burger and fries," She placed the plate down in front of Brad, "Bowtie chicken alfredo," She placed the place in front of Jack," And the two clubhouse meatball sandwiches," She said, going around the table to set down the plates in front of Mark and Felix, "I'll be back in a bit to see how everyone's doing," She stated before heading off into the kitchen again.

The group eagerly started to eat their meals, taking small moments to stop and chat before continuing to eat. Felix felt completely comfortable eating the heavy food and almost wished he had ordered a heavier drink, but he knew that he couldn't afford to get sick tonight, no matter how good he felt right now, so he ate in small bites. He wiped his fingers on his napkin for a moment after having just finished the first half of his sandwich, waiting to see if he was hungry enough to need the second half. He looked over at Jack to check in quickly on how he was fairing. Jack was chewing slowly, his hand hanging lazily as he rested his arm on the table, his eyes half-lidded. He seemed to catch himself for a moment, though, as Jack quickly straightened and shook his head. He swallowed what he had in his mouth and scooped more off the plate into his mouth. He rested his arms back on the table and chewed again, a normal speed at first, but then slower and slower over time. His eyes drooped back down even lower this time. He fought to keep his eyes open, a look of confusion seeming to spread on his face as he finally swallowed. Felix straightened as he realised what was taking place right in front of him. The pill was starting to take effect.

"You tired?" Felix asked. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mark look up from his food and immediately over at Jack. He hadn't even noticed Jack was acting strange until now. How unattentive.

"I mean, I guess so," Jack dishearteningly answered, clearly disappointed in himself, "I don't know what's wrong though! I didn't do anything too hard today. Why am I tired so early?" He asked.

"We were packing today," Mark offered as a reason.

"Yeah, but it was all the last minute stuff. We didn't even move any furniture," Jack reasoned.

"Well, we've been packing all week. Maybe you're getting a bit burned out?" Mark offered, "We have a long day tomorrow. Maybe you should get some sleep," Mark looked at Jack, waiting for an answer. The Irishman was silent for a moment, contemplating, before he sighed.

"You're probably right," Jack nodded dejectedly. Felix perked up.

"I can drive you,"  
"Do you wanna go?"

Felix looked over at Mark and their eyes met. Both of them looked confused at the other's words.

"I can take him home for you," Felix offered. Mark chuckled lightly at the remark. What was so funny?

"Thank you, but we should probably get going anyway," Mark reasoned.

"But it's so early," Felix quickly interjected, "You should enjoy your night. I can take care of him."

"I understand what you're trying to do for me but I don't need it, thank you. I can take care of him too," Mark replied in a friendly tone.

"I'm not saying you can't, I just think it would be better if I took him home so that you can stay here," Felix pushed. Mark's smile faded a bit. What a moment ago seemed like friendly banter now seemed to be turning into a legitimate argument. Mark's expression showed his confusion about the situation, as well as his slight annoyance. He was quiet for a moment as if dumbfounded this argument was even taking place.

"I should really be the one to take him," Mark commanded, "He's my fiancee, after all," He stated. Felix didn't know what to do. He had used what arguments he could but it was clear now that Mark was catching on to his suspicious behaviour. Felix couldn't do anything that wouldn't further aggravate the situation; Anything in his favour, that is. Maybe he could-

"He's right, Mark," Jack interrupted. The two men turned to him. The Irishman had his head in his hand, clearly losing energy by the second, "Felix should be the one to drive me home. If I am sick then you're gonna need to take care of me all day tomorrow. You should get to enjoy your last night here. Let Felix take me," He said. Felix looked back over at Mark. The American looked surprised, clearly not expecting Jack to make that decision. Without Jack's approval now he seemed lost on what to do. Jack straightened his head up and softened his gaze on his fiancee, "It'll be alright," He reassured. Mark stared back at him unsure of what to do. 

"You can help him in the morning," Felix interjected, "Let me help you tonight," He tried to reason with Mark. The American still seemed reluctant. Finally, he dejectedly sat back in his seat.

"Alright," Mark sighed.

Jack pushed his chair away from the table and stood up before pushing his chair in. Felix followed in toe, wasting no time in rising from the table. Felix took a step back from the table, expecting Jack to immediately follow him, but instead, the Irishman walked over beside Brad and held out his arms.

"I'm probably not gonna see you again before we leave," Jack stated, clueing Brad in to what he was doing. Brad opened his arms quickly to return the gesture and the two hugged for a moment.

"See you later, man," Brad patted him on the back before Jack let go.

"See you," Jack replied as he stood back up. He turned to Pj to give him a hug as well and found that he had stood up from the table to return the gesture.

"See you in Alaska," Pj said as they embraced.

"See you there," Jack replied warmly. The two let go and Pj sat back down as Jack walked over behind Mark, "Bye, honey," Jack said affectionately, bending down beside Mark to kiss his cheek. Mark mumbled softly in reply, lifting his face slightly to allow Jack to kiss him, his expression still showing his disappointment. It was almost poetic, Felix thought, that the last time Jack would kiss Mark was when the American would look so disenchanted with the Irishman, as if he didn't even care that he was being kissed. Sweet, sweet poetry, "Bye guys," Jack waved as he straightened and began to walk away from the table, earning a chorus of goodbye's as he did so.

Felix turned towards the exit once Jack had gotten close enough to him and began walking towards it. As he got closer and closer to the exit his heart began to soar. He was doing it. He was actually doing it. Every mishap that had taken place, every mistake that he had made tonight didn't even matter anymore. He was doing it and there was nothing that could stop him now. He pushed open the door and stepped out, a new breath entering his lungs as he felt himself beginning to be free. Free from sorrow, free from misfortune, free from everything. He turned around and held the door open, allowing his light, his world, to walk out beside him. The two of them walked towards Felix's van, Jack's steps getting slower and more drawn out with every step he took. As the two neared the vehicle Felix pulled out his keys and unlocked it, allowing the Irishman ahead of him to open the passenger door and hop in. With a newfound spring in his step, Felix pulled the driver's door open and hopped in, buckling himself in and closing the door behind him. He put the keys into the ignition and twisted, put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot. Now, for the easy part. Pulling out of the parking lot Felix was relieved to see how few cars were on the road at that time.

"Thanks for doing this," Jack spoke up, startling the Swede a bit. He hadn't expected any conversation to take place, "Me and Mark have a long day tomorrow and if I'm sick then I'll just make it harder on him. It's better if I don't get him sick too."

"Uh, no problem," Felix responded, beginning to signal left at the upcoming lights. There was silence for a moment as he turned and continued as he drove down the road. He came up to another set of lights.

"So you're coming, right?" Jack asked, trying to keep up some sort of conversation.

"To...?" Felix asked, genuinely confused.

"The wedding," Jack clarified.

"Oh. Uh, I'll try," Felix answered. There was another beat of silence as the light's changed, allowing Felix to turn left.

"I really want you to be there," Jack said, his voice softening. Felix couldn't tell if Jack was trying to be sincere or if the pill was having some influence here, "It's important to me that you're there, Felix," Jack reached over and gently laid his hand on Felix's shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. Felix felt his heart skip a beat.

"Okay," Was all the Swede could manage. Jack seemed satisfied, though, and removed his hand from Felix's shoulder. More silence.

"I want you to be my best man," Jack stated as the two of them came up to another set of lights. Felix blinked and glanced over at Jack. The Irishman was completely serious.

"Of course," Felix said, trying to appease Jack. Shouldn't the pill be doing more here? A small, contented smile grew on Jack's face.

"Thank you," Jack said warmly, allowing his head to rest on the passenger seat. Another silence passed between them as the light changed, allowing Felix to turn left.

This silence lasted between them this time, allowing Felix to think without interruption. Shouldn't the pill be working faster? Jack had swallowed the whole pill, so he was getting the whole effect. Was it not strong enough? Oh god. Was he going to have to use the chloroform after all? After everything that had gone right tonight, of course, one more thing had to go wrong. He really didn't want to have to use it. But if the pill wasn't working, then he might have to. Thankfully just as Felix had that thought Jack raised his hand to his mouth, attempting to stifle a yawn. Felix felt a bit of relief wash over him. So the pill was working after all. At the restaurant, it had seemed as if Jack was nose-diving into unconsciousness, but now that they were driving the effects seemed to be slowing down. Maybe the pill had acted sooner than Felix had realized? No matter. It was working, that was all that mattered.

"What's the rope for?" Jack asked.

"What?" Felix asked, looking over at Jack. He went cold. Jack was looking back behind the seats. He was looking at the rope. He was looking at everything, "Uh," Felix stammered. He needed an excuse. He needed it now. NOW, "It's for a, uh, d-DIY project," Felix blurted out. He internally smacked himself. A DIY project? Really? He glanced over. Even Jack looked confused at that one. Oh god. He prayed that Jack wouldn't figure it out. Suddenly, a look of realization seemed to cross over Jack's face.

"Oh, for that wine bottle thing?" Jack asked. Frankly, Felix had no idea what that was. But he found himself nodding anyway.

"Yeah, that," Felix answered. That seemed to appease Jack as he sat back forward in his seat. Thank god.

"Me and Mark were actually thinking about something like that for our wedding. Like, as a centrepiece for the tables. It seems easy enough, y'know? Just glueing the rope in a spiral around the kneck of the bottle," Jack described. Felix tried to envision it in his head. That actually looked quite nice.

"Yeah, I agree," Felix nodded along. He could see out of the corner of his eye as Jack glanced back at the pile again.

"Buying a bottle of glue like that is actually really smart," Jack said. Felix had to think for a moment. What was he referring to? Maybe the chloroform bottle? That had to be it. He remembered tucking the bottle specifically close up against the seats. Jack probably couldn't see the label. Or, if he could, maybe he was too tired to read it and had merely assumed, "Where'd you get that?" Jack asked.

"Just, uh, y'know," Think Felix, think, "Just a hardware store. It's, uh, pretty common," He hoped Jack wouldn't question that. Thankfully he didn't and the Irishman laid his head back in the seat again.

Another bit of silence passed between them again, albeit more comfortable this time. Felix actually found himself beginning to enjoy the conversation, even though he had to lie through his teeth. He hated lying to the one he loved so dearly but he had to do what needed to be done. He couldn't have any more mistakes tonight. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jack lean his head against the window, his shoulders completely relaxed. Was he finally beginning to fall asleep? Felix couldn't help but be ecstatic at the thought. Still maintaining focus on the road, Felix turned left again at the set of lights he had come up to. He hoped Jack hadn't noticed the number of times they had turned left, nor the fact that they had driven by the restaurant 3 times now. He needed Jack to fall asleep before he could continue with any other part of the plan, having Jack unconscious was essential before he could take him to their next destination. There was nothing he could do but drive, drive, and keep driving until Jack fell asleep. Or worse, until the pill proved ineffective.

"Felix," Jack spoke quietly. Felix couldn't help the smile that spread on his cheeks at the weak sound in Jack's voice.

"Hm?" Felix hummed back happily.

"Why are we... going in circles?" Jack asked softly. Felix's smile faded. He gripped the steering wheel.

"Well, uh," He paused. He had to come up with an excuse. Before he could, though, he saw Jack slump over in his seat, the seatbelt catching him before he could fall fully. Felix looked over at him. His eyes were closed, his breathing stable, "Jack?" Felix asked quietly, returning his eyes to the road. They were stopped at a light. No response, "Jack?" He asked again, reaching over this time to gently shake Jack's shoulder. Nothing. Unconscious. He was unconscious.

Felix felt his heart soar. Looking up at the street sign, he found himself exactly where he needed to be. The Swede quickly switched lanes, not needing to worry about traffic as there was none and, for the first time in a while, he turned right.

He practically couldn't believe it. He did it. He had Jack.

He did it.


End file.
